Men From Mars
by Jo2
Summary: Mulder gets a visitor in the X Files office while Scully's running an errand.


MEN FROM MARS  
By John - JHill90229@aol.com   
and Jo - EnyaJo@aol.com  
  
X Files Lyceum! A serious but lighthearted study of the X Files. Join us:  
http://www.geocities.com/enyajo/lyceum.html  
  
~~~~~  
  
RATED: G  
  
TIMELINE: Soon after Jersey Devil, Season One.  
  
SUMMARY: Continuation of the Rod character and his hopes for  
another date with Scully.  
  
DISCLAIMER: We don't own Mulder and Scully. Heck, we don't even  
own poor Rod. Mr. Chris Carter and company do but we sure like to  
fool around with them.  
  
~~~~~  
  
Rod McClain slowly descended the stairs inside the vast, world famous  
FBI building. During his lifetime he'd taken tours of the hallowed halls  
of the J Edgar Hoover Building. The last time with his son, Scott and a  
couple of his friends. Never in his wildest dreams did he think he  
would actually be inside to meet someone who worked there. That  
was another reason why a date with Special Agent Dana Scully was a  
turn on. He was excited. They never did go to Cirque De Soleil, but  
now they were going to go out for lunch.  
  
The darkly lit, sort of unkempt basement gave Rod grave second  
thoughts of walking farther. He had to be lost. The directions from the  
woman at the information desk must have been wrong. He couldn't  
find the door to Scully's office where she said it would be. What he did  
find was a door with the placard that read, "Fox Mulder", and knew  
that was the name of her partner. He timidly knocked on the door, in  
case he was mistaken. The location seemed to be more fitting for a  
supply room not the office of two Special Agents.  
  
A voice called from inside, "It's open. Don't be shy."  
  
Rod turned the doorknob and saw a dark haired man sitting behind  
the lone desk in the cluttered office when he stepped in. Looking  
around the sectioned off room, he didn't see any sign of the red  
headed agent he had fallen for with just one glance when he came to  
pick up his son at a birthday party.  
  
Mulder stared at the intruder, wondering who on earth he was and  
what he could possibly want. He politely asked, "Can I help you?"  
  
"Uh... yes sir," Rod smiled. "Agent Mulder?" Mulder slowly nodded and  
just stared at him, trying to place any hidden motive the unexpected  
visitor would have.  
  
Rod continued, "I'm... uh... here to pick up Dana Scully to take her to  
lunch."  
  
Mulder leapt to his feet, extending his hand, "Oh! You must be Ron."  
  
"Rod, sir. Rod McClain," Rod smiled as he shook Mulder's hand, glad he  
had the right place. "Nice to meet you. I've heard about you."  
  
"Really?" Mulder guardedly asked. "All good, I hope."  
  
Rod uneasily tilted his head and decided to not say anything. His one  
date with Dana went south quickly because the guy was in a drunk  
tank. Mulder suggested, "Have a seat. Look, Scully had to rush off on an  
errand. She'll be right back."  
  
Rod's forehead clenched, having not expected that she wouldn't be  
here when he arrived. First she called a quick end to their one and only  
date, then she went 'on an errand' when she knew he was coming? He  
looked at his watch and saw that he was precisely on time--a  
personality trait that he had honed to perfection over the years.   
  
Mulder saw that Rod had to be second guessing himself nervous so  
he easily slapped him on the back and said, "Look, Ron. Women... What  
can you do? She'll be right back."  
  
Rod pointed out, "It's Rod."  
  
"Huh?" Mulder asked as he sat back in his chair. "Oh yes. Sorry."  
  
Rod fidgeted, clearly uncomfortable. Mulder wondered what Scully  
saw in the man. Sure he was nice looking, but Scully had to look  
further into a guy than that. He had a steady job, Mulder assumed.  
Scully hadn't really mentioned a lot about that date. Mulder admitted  
to himself that he was curious. Damn curious.  
  
Mulder picked up his coffee cup for a drink and asked, "What do you  
do for a living?"  
  
"I'm an accountant."  
  
Coffee sprayed out of Mulder's mouth, and he quickly wiped off his  
desk and shirt. "An accountant. Did you go all the way and get  
certified?"  
  
"Of course," Rod said, just a little agitated that accountants had a bad  
rap and were easily mocked. There was more to life than numbers!  
Well, almost. He mused to himself, 'Can I help that I'm a math genius?'  
The last thing he needed was for a fed to look down on his profession.  
  
Mulder stood and set his hands on his desk, "Let me give you a little  
friendly advice, Todd. You know, a man to man suggestion."  
  
"My name is--," Rod tried to say, but Mulder wasn't listening.  
  
Mulder continued, "Agent Scully is one tough cookie. I'm not saying  
that she's too much for a mere accountant to handle, but you probably  
could use a little advice from someone who... shall we say has been  
around the block a few times. You see, I understand today's modern  
woman and believe me, Scully... Dana... is modern, post modern even.  
You can't let on to them that you are weak and desperate."  
  
"I'm *not* weak and desperate," Rod spouted a little too quickly for the  
calm demeanor he was trying to convey. He scrutinized the agent  
standing before him. FBI Agents had been reduced to stereotype also.  
That was what surprised him about Dana Scully. She wasn't the banal,  
dry, by-the-book geek behind a pair of dark sunglasses.   
  
Mulder boomed, "You're not? You're picking her up at the office, man!"  
Mulder grimaced, "Jeez, I bet you hold the door open for her, too."  
  
"Well, it is polite," Rod argued.  
  
Mulder smiled, "Trust me on this. Talk is cheap. Flirting is a sport. Think  
back to our beast roots. The male/female game predates our ability to  
communicate by vocalizations. It's what you do--or rather don't do--  
that works." Mulder paced as he tossed out words, "Polite, courteous,  
interested... Dump those words in your recycle bin. That stuff is  
ancient history. You can't talk your way to first base any more. You  
practically have to be hit by a pitch before you can get there  
nowadays. Talk is medieval. Talk is for lonely mike jockeys like Howard  
Stern."  
  
Rod thought back to his one and only date with Dana Scully and  
realized that there hadn't been a lot of talking. She couldn't talk about  
her work, didn't seem interested in his. Maybe Agent Mulder was  
speaking the truth. If he was, he'd better take his advice. All of his  
advice. Mulder knew Dana better than he did.  
  
Rod measured up Agent Mulder, wondering if he was right. He had a  
sneaking suspicion that Mulder was trying to get him to fail in his  
efforts to continue to date Dana. He tried to determine if Agent  
Mulder even had a clue about how to succeed with women. To Rod's  
eye, Mulder seemed kind of arrogant, lonely.   
  
Rod inquired, "Agent Mulder, when was the last time you were on a  
date?"  
  
Mulder replied, "It's not the number of dates you go on that count, it's  
the number of dates that you *turn down*. I have women calling me  
all the time. Women giving me their phone numbers. Women not  
responding to idle chit chat, but responding instead to my  
disinterest."  
  
Rod wondered if all of those women were from the same area code,  
900, but he really should listen to the one who worked the closest with  
Dana.  
  
Mulder sat back in the chair again, stretching his arms and locking his  
hands behind his head, "Trust me, Bob. It works every time. Think  
aloof."  
  
Rod slowly nodded as he had heard that theory before and that it  
must have worked for someone. There was a how-to book written with  
that very premise, called 'Dating for Dummies' or something. At that  
moment, Rod couldn't remember if it had been successful for anyone.  
He hadn't had a second date in so long, maybe Mulder was right. "Well,  
thanks. Aloof. I'll remember it."  
  
Scully opened the door to see her partner and date in the middle of  
conversation. That couldn't be good for anyone. "Rod, I'm so sorry I'm  
late. The line at the records room was exceptionally long this morning  
and it took longer than I thought it would."  
  
Rod immediately stood as soon as she had walked in, then saw that  
Mulder had remained seated. He sat back down. "That's all right,  
Dana."   
  
Mulder mumbled, "Oh, brother," just loud enough for Rod to hear.   
  
Scully asked, "So? You've met my partner, Fox Mulder?"  
  
"Yes," Rod replied. He was still struggling with his impulse which was  
to stand but somehow Mulder's glare pressed him even deeper into  
his chair. He saw the folders in her arms but asked anyway, "You ready  
to go?"  
  
"Sure. I just want to go over a few things with Mulder about these, if  
you wouldn't mind waiting."  
  
Rod looked to Mulder, who slowly shook his head. "Ah," Rod said. "How  
about if I meet you at the car?" He saw that Mulder cringed, so he said,  
"I'll be in the car. You know it, the white Taurus? I'm on the third level  
in the parking ramp."  
  
"Okay," Scully was surprised, but said, "I know the car. I'll see you in a  
bit."  
  
Mulder gave him the thumbs up when he heard Rod say on his way  
out, "Don't keep me waiting too long."  
  
Scully saw Rod walk out the door, leaving it open. Confusion played  
with her mind, but she figured that he was a busy man. She'd have to  
hurry to get Mulder up to speed on the expense records so he could  
do them while she was at lunch with Rod. She wished that Mulder had  
a fraction of the accounting sense that Rod possessed, but nobody  
was perfect.  
  
Scully set the files down on the desk in front of Mulder and opened  
the top one. "We have to explain why there's a spray painted X on the  
highway in Oregon. The sheriff billed the bureau for it's clean up. You  
want to take that one?"  
  
Mulder sat back in his chair and quickly scanned the file. "How do they  
know it was me?"  
  
"True," Scully smiled. "Should we file it under 13?"  
  
Mulder only quietly grunted, thinking back to the case of Billy Miles  
and wondered if a follow-up visit wouldn't be a bad idea to see if he  
had any further other worldly encounters. Scully didn't know how to  
take the silent treatment. "Mulder, you've been acting kind of... I don't  
know what to call it... aloof... lately."  
  
"Aloof? Me?"  
  
"Yes. You, Mulder. Aloof is no longer cool. Not that you'd know  
anything about that."  
  
"Oh and I assume that this Rod fellow is cool?"  
  
"Well, maybe not cool but at least he'd *never* be aloof."  
  
Mulder resumed shuffling the files on his desk to see what other  
mischief he'd gotten them involved in. Also, wishing he could be a fly  
on the wall of the restaurant later.   
  
Scully looked at him, knew he was hiding something and asked,  
"Mulder?"   
  
"Hm?" He didn't even lift his eyes from the file, but wondered if his  
Cheshire cat smile showed.  
  
It did. Scully stated, "If you weren't armed Mulder, I'd knock that stupid  
grin right off your face." She made a mental note to meet Rod at the  
restaurant next time instead of meeting at the office. Not that she  
didn't trust her partner, she just sensed that it would be better for  
everyone that way.  
  
On the way home from work later that day, Mulder found himself in a  
foul mood. Scully had returned from a very long lunch--not that  
Mulder was watching the clock or anything--and had refused to talk  
about her date. She even claimed it wasn't a *date*, just lunch. Mulder  
knew better.  
  
When he got home he checked his messages. There were none. He fed  
his fish and popped in a video. Sure, it wasn't Citizen Kane... but it  
would have to do.  
  
THE END 


End file.
